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Chinese Dating: Common Threads in the Community Fabric

Author: Sherwood R. Robins

There are no hard and fast rules for chinese dating . As with any other culture, dating within the Chinese community is, and should be, about getting to know a person, learning about what makes them a special and unique, and developing a meaningful relationship.

While not everyone from China shares the same beliefs, there are still common threads that run throughout the fabric of the community, particularly regarding attitudes about dating. The traditions of honor and respect are the cornerstone of the Chinese culture. As such, they figure prominently within every aspect of life including the dating arena.

Chinese culture is very family-oriented. Therefore a person's family plays a very significant role in his or her dating life. Unlike the individualistic dating culture of the West, a Chinese family expects to observe and give input throughout the dating process. They also expect that their thoughts and opinions will be respected and acted upon.

Parents may prefer that their child date someone who is already acquainted with the family and whose family or background is well known. They may, specifically, want their daughters to marry older, more established men who have financial stability and who can provide a more stable home environment.

In traditional Chinese culture, going against one's family's wishes is extremely difficult and, therefore, rarely done. Even someone who is an independent thinker in every other aspect of his or her life may still defer to parental wishes when it comes to whom to date or marry. This is because it is often viewed that dating or marrying the wrong person could bring disgrace or reflect poorly upon the family as a whole. Honoring the wishes of one's parents is respectful.

While particular values feature prominently in Chinese culture, what matters to each person will be different depending on how deep an individual's cultural roots go and what their personal beliefs are.

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